"Hibernate for a While" by Duwiant

"Hibernate for a While" by Duwiant

Energy has depleted

the essence of the soul is no longer there

The silence of the body is the cause

I don't know what to do

The cries of the soul are suppressed.

However, with time

Asa no longer seeks fusion

The weary aspect rebels against becoming the queen

Dreams of submission turn into rebellion

I vow, this is not what you desire

There are limits to all power.

Even the soul, the body, and the ideals

Enya certainly deserves it.

But giving up is not appropriate

I want to take a breath

Fatigue should be eliminated

A moment to lay down my body, emotions, and hopes

that would be the cure

The path of God is truly special

I want to hibernate for a while.

This poetry is presented to me from a young foreigner who lives in Indonesia. He is studying to work in a hospital and has interest in Japan. So I’m glad. I’m not a religious guy, like almost all Japanese are the same, whereas he is a religious person. You would know it while you are reading this poetry. So I respect him. You would feel that everybody lives with God, from this poetry.

A loneliness whose foreign youth came from the Philippines

He came to this country to preach Christianity, and he was troubled. Originally he was born in the Philippines and was Catholic or something, but he said that a few years ago he converted to a new denomination.

His name is called Jack.

I think he is only around 20 years old. He came to Japan six months ago, because he decided to live in a town in the northern region of Japan and work at a church there. That's when he met me.

He was very serious and tried to understand the Japanese people. And he also tried hard to spread his religion. At that time, a large earthquake occurred in this region. It was January 1st of this year.

That was a very big earthquake. So I sent him multiple emails asking if he had been affected by the earthquake. He replied that he was fine.

This is just my guess, but it seems like his family was having some big problems. This was when he lived with his family in the Philippines. However, the Catholic Church was of no help to them. That's when a new religion reached out to his family. So he chose to convert his entire family.

Jack decided to work for the church, and he came to Japan as a young missionary.

Japanese cities are by no means a good place for young foreigners to live alone. The local town where he settled was not bad, but few people understood his religion.

Living alone in a Japanese city may be convenient, but it is not easy. Many young people feel lonely in the city. I also have lived alone in the city, so I can understand this very well.

If you live in a city and are busy with work, most of your meals will consist of bento boxes bought at convenience stores. I ate a bento from a convenience store for breakfast, I ate a bento from a convenience store for lunch, and I ate a bento from a convenience store for dinner. Have a cold bento. That's a very lonely meal.

Jack said to me. "Japanese people have no problem with God." I thought it was the "Japanese wall" he was running into. There is a god in Japanese beliefs as well. So, in other words, he doesn't understand the beliefs of the Japanese people.

Few Japanese people understand his religious activities. He must feel very lonely living in Japan.

His emails that were sent to me stopped coming. A month has passed since then. He's probably still working at a church in some town in Japan today.

人間失格 : Mine has been a life on much shame.

I loved this novel around the age of 20. This is the most famous and the top seller book since the past in Japan. Although, to tell the truth I don’t know the reason why this novel is sold so much. Because this novel’s story is filled with a dark mood. The significant sentence in this novel is this.

“恥の多い生涯を送ってきました”

“Mine has been a life on much shame”

This translation was from a very famous researcher about Japanese literature. I would like to tell you the meanings of these words.

恥 haji : shame

生涯 syogai : life

You may not be able to imagine what “a life on much shame” is. This sentence is a confession from the main character. However, we know that this confession came from this author’s life. His name is Osamu Dazai.

He had tried to suicide sometimes in his life, and some of them were lovers’ suicide. And eventually he died at the age of 38, with his lover. That affair occurred in Tokyo and also it has been reported in newspapers.

I’m not sure why this novel has been sold so much, however I can say that many Japanese intellectuals have sympathy with this author’s confession. And also it can be said that this confession is an expression from humans’ anxiety itself. In a modern society, everybody feels anxiety, I think. He wrote, “Mine has been a life on much shame.” Yeah, namely, we always fear being embarrassed within a society, the same as this author. 

In this novel, the main character also hates hypocrisy about his life itself. He wanted to live pure in his mind. But it has been difficult. I think many Japanese see the same thing in his mind as their own. 

This novel isn’t a fact, but it reflects the author's life. So, we read this novel as the author’s confession.